With a debut album on the horizon, Andrew McMahon expected big things in 2005. Leukemia wasn’t one of them. The punk-rock party boy lead singer of Jack’s Mannequin and the now disbanded Something Corporate thought he was in control, invincible. At the ripe age of 22 he was living the rockstar dream, signing record deals, partying, performing in front of thousands of screaming fans. But in May 2005, just 3 months before the scheduled release of Everything In Transit, Andrew McMahon found himself repeatedly forced to cancel sold out shows due to voice problems and physical strain. Hospitalized and scheduled for blood work, McMahon awaited the results of a bone marrow biopsy before being dealt an official diagnosis- Acute Lymphatic Leukemia. McMahon described the diagnosis as marking “a substantial shift in the course of my life” and one that would forever influence the music he was to write.
In the months that followed the unsettling diagnosis, Andrew walked the line between life and death, sprawled across the hospital bed, wires in his arm hooking him to numerous machine. During his first round of chemotherapy he had an extremely close brush with death, as a persistent cough turned into a full-blown case of pneumonia that took a significant toll on his already compromised immune system. For three days McMahon battled a fever so intense his body was packed in ice to try to keep his temperature below 104ยบ. But the natural born fighter soon recovered against all odd, and was, for once, met with a sliver of positive news- the doctors had found a perfect match for a much needed bone marrow transplant in his sister Katie. The transplant set his odds of survival just over 50%, slightly higher than his chances of beating the cancer with chemotherapy. Yet the journey to the transplant would be a difficult one. Preparation for the operating consisted of a combination of radiation and chemo treatments much more intense than the first round. Sores in his mouth that ran all the way down his esophagus prevented him from eating. Shingles on his stomach and back attacked his nervous system. His fingernails cracked and split down the middle and his feet swelled. But as the date of the transplant neared- August 23, the exact date of the release of Jack’s Mannequin’s debut album Everything in Transit- his spirits were high despite poor physical conditions. The stem cells from his sister were to be his cure. On August 23, he wrote in a blog entitled “And it all collides on one fateful Tuesday,”
“On this strange day in August, the most perfectly bizarre coincidence of my life will take place. The culmination of years of work and inspiration now falls on the same day that I will be transfused with stem cells from my sister to fight the monster huddled within my marrow. I can say for the first time that I am not afraid, and while this is a feeling that can undoubtedly change with time, I feel cradled by this universe and the immense love that comes from it. I feel blessed for the music that has filled my life and connected me to so many people on so many levels. I sit her on the eve of this album’s release and the eve of my rebirth into this world and realize that no two events could be more perfectly timed.”
100 short days after the transfusion, McMahon walked out of the hospital a new man and returned, after being absent for more than six months, to the place he called home: the stage. A bald-headed bag of bones, he was weak as could be, but nevertheless, back where he belonged. And the experiences of the months he spent fighting for his life inside that hospital, and the outlook on life he gained there, have forever changed his music. The Glass Passenger, Jack’s Mannequin’s second album, released September 30 of this year, reflects on McMahon’s brush with death, but it is more than “the cancer chronicles.” It is encouraging, it is hopeful, it is the story of one man’s survival. It is freedom from the past, vulnerability, and gratitude. Each and every one of the fourteen tracks on this album was written with a unique and inspirational perspective on life and a thankfulness for each new day that can only come from the threat of having it all taken away. An eight minute track entitled “Caves,” a beautiful conglomeration of soulful piano chords fused with upbeat guitar rifts parallels McMahon’s battle between life and death, his initial desperation but eventual triumphant recovery.
“Caves” begins in a quietly reflective tone, a falsetto voice paired with soft piano melodies. In an interview in which he discussed his new album, McMahon addressed this track, explaining that each of the nine verses in the song describes a different hospital visit. Therefore, the song follows the logical progression of time that elapsed between the initial diagnosis of his disease and his final discharge from the hospital several long months later. The first verse conjures up images of “clicking machines,” and “the quiet of compazine,” a drug prescribed to combat the nausea and vomiting induced by radiation treatments. Throughout the song, the repetition of the line “the walls caved in” describes the despair experienced by the speaker as he feels his hopes and dreams for the future crumbling down around him amidst the claustrophobic and confining walls of a hospital. In the second verse, the lines “my bird dressed in white, and she stings my arm in the night” relate the nurses who frequently inserted IVs, central lines, and drew blood for dozens of tests, to the gentle, peaceful image of a bird singing quietly. As the song continues, the listeners experience a shift from the initial anguish to a slightly more hopeful tone with the lyrics “I lay still, still I’m ready to fight.” In this verse, the poet begins to reveal the positive spirits and encouragement to fight that persisted amidst physically challenging situations. This insight continues with the next line “have my lungs but you can’t take my sight.” The author relies on the literal use of the word “lungs,” referencing the pneumonia that attacked his respiratory system, in juxtaposition with the metaphorical meaning of sight to convey the message that though the cancer could attack his body and leave him for dead, it could never grab hold of his spirit, his hopes, dreams, and visions for the future. The song continues along the timeline of McMahon's battle for his life, coming finally to his cure, his transplant, described as "the marrows colliding in rebirth." The speaker describes this liberating experience as "the walls fell and there I lay saved."
The end of this verse marks not only the end of his battle, but also a departure from the slow, reflective and melodious piano prelude that comprises the first half of the song. Just as it seems the song were to end, the music builds and the song erupts in a fury of guitar chords. The second half of the song assumes a sort of cathartic tone with a purging of emotion on the speaker's part as he reflects on this part of his past. It is at this moment in the song that the listeners truly begin to understand the meaning of "Caves," and that of the entire album: overcoming obstacles. But more than just jumping the hurdles thrown our way, life is about reflecting on the past but realizing that it is just that: the past. In the second half of the song McMahon repeatedly emphasizes his desire to move on from this chapter in his life, and encourages his listeners to do the same. With lines like "think it's time I broke some glass, get this history off my mind," and "like the past never happened, and time did not exist for us at all," Andrew McMahon finishes the story of his battle against leukemia, realizing that it was, in some strange way, a wake up call. It was a departure from the life he was used to living. Forced to fight for his life everyday, McMahon quickly came to realize just how precious this thing called time really is. This insight, this notion of living in the present and seizing each moment, is one that is rarely gained so early on in life. McMahon understands that this unique perspective will forever change the way he writes music. But he also understands the opportunities he has to share this insight with millions of fans and followers who may stumble upon his lyrics in the same state of mind he was just 3 short years ago. It is for these reasons that "The Glass Passenger," and tracks such as "Caves" are more than just a chronicle of the life of a cancer patient. They are encouragements and inspirations to all who listen.
Even for those who pick up a Jack's Mannequin album unaware of the lead singer's battle with leukemia and the affects it had on their music, it is obvious that this piano-rock band from Southern California is a unique blend of pop, soul, indie and alternative rock unlike any other. The band transcends classification into any one genre, mixing sounds reminiscent of Rush, the Beach Boys, Tom Petty, Neil Young, and Fleetwood, all of which were listed as influential in the songwriting career of Andrew McMahon. But McMahon believes in making a name for himself, one that is distinctly and identifiably Jack's Mannequin. One that others turn to for inspiration, the album people put on when they need to be reminded that music will save them when they're not so sure they'll survive.
"The sun rose for all of us today but for me it meant more than most sunrises of my near 24 years. It meant that this year had past and a new one had begun. It meant that the wires were undone and the scars were just scars, and yes, that it's time to move on. In this year I have seen dark places and I have seen some places flooded with light that I never knew existed. I have walked to the door of death and never felt more alive and I have learned something that is inherent whether we choose to live knowing it or not. That we are just pieces of this crazy universe, floating through space like every other piece of this crazy universe. You don't have to push or pull or fight or win, the struggle is illusory. Sometimes or rather, all times, you just have to be."
"Caves" I'm caught Somewhere in between Alive And living a dream. No peace Just clicking machines In the quiet of compazine. The walls caved in on me. And she sings My bird dressed in white. And she stings My arm in the night. I lay still Still I'm ready to fight. Have my lungs But you can't take my sight. The walls caved in Tonight. And out here I watch the sun circle the earth The marrows collide in rebirth In God's glory praise The spirit calls out from the Caves. The walls fell and there I lay Saved. The walls are caving in As far as I can see. The walls are caving in The doors got locked for sure There's no one here but me Beat my body like a rag doll you stuck the needles in my hip Said 'we're not gonna lie Son, you just might die Get you on that morphine drip, drip' The walls are caving in As far as I can see The walls are caving in The doors got locked for sure There's no one here but me I fought a war to walk a gang plank Into a life I left behind Windows leading to the past Think it's time I broke some glass Get this history off my mind And what if we were married forever? Like the past never happened And time did not exist for us at all I still think we'd still be traveling together Through all kinds of weather Everything's a piece of everyone As far as I can see Walls are caving in Doors got locked for sure But I see these doors have keys Walls are caving in As far as I can see The walls are caving in Doors got locked for sure There's no one here but me There's no one here but me No one here but me, yeah. There's no one here but me No one here but me
For several hundred years, when artists such as Raphael began subtly inserting their self-portraits into their works, art and literature have become a means of self portrayal and self- expression. From Charlotte Bronte to James Joyce, literary figures of every background masterfully project aspects of their lives’ onto those of their characters. As authors have developed such clever methods of placing autobiographical aspects in their works, they may, as in Eugene O’Neill’s Long Day’s Journey into Night, never actualize in the form of one single character. Rather, as O’Neill displays, authors may project certain aspects of their background or beliefs onto several characters, creating a subtle autobiography which often eludes readers at first glance. Though O’Neill never appears in his work as a specific character, elements of every character culminate in the creation of a sort of “fifth Tyrone”- the author himself (Mann).
O’Neill sets the play in 1912, the year he left home and entered a sanatorium to begin recovery from tuberculosis, as well as the year in which he began his writing career. These elements of O’Neill’s younger self manifest themselves in the character of Edmund, and though he alone fails to holistically depict aspects of O’Neill’s life, Edmund successfully represents the young O’Neill, hurt and haunted by his own family’s arguments and substance abuse. As Edmund undergoes numerous epiphanies throughout the work, he begins to understand the reasons behind his family’s guilt and anger. Yet he remains ignorant to the realization that his sufferings and the failures of his family members have prepared him for success in the future. Though Edmund mimics the feelings experienced by the young O’Neill, he is limited only to these, and as he remains ignorant and naive, the playwright turns to another presence, identified in the work as the unseen narrator, in order to depict the transition from his younger self to an older, more experienced man.
In his dedication of the work, O’Neill reveals that he wrote the play with “deep pity and understanding and forgiveness for all the four haunted Tyrones.” This image of O’Neill as an older, wiser, more mature, compassionate figure manifests itself in the voice of the narrator. Through this presence O’Neill allows himself to reflect on the past, now regarding his family members as victims of fate, a perspective unavailable to his younger, unforgiving self. Though the narrator remains distant and unseen throughout the work, his omnipresence allows O’Neill to see things from every point of view, ultimately realizing his family’s contributions to his success as a writer. It is in this realization that numerous parallels are drawn between the playwright’s life and the lives of his characters. In James, the sold-out failure of an actor, representative of his own father, O’Neill learns a lesson in artistic integrity and uncompromising standards. From his self-destructive brother, manifested in the character of Jamie, came O’Neill’s introduction to the writers and poets who ultimately influenced his own works. Finally, from Mary Tyrone, a portrait of O’Neill’s mother, the playwright learns the lesson on which he centers his entire play: the lonely, painful nature of our flawed humanity.
Though O’Neill travelled through much of his life troubled and tormented, blaming and resenting his family, transitions and revelations within his work Long Day’s Journey into Night, allowed him to emerge from the past with a grateful understanding, and at least a shred of hope for the future. By injecting this positive aspect of his life into the work and ending the play on a relatively unresolved note, Eugene O’Neill hints to his readers that there quite possibly may be a light at the end of their long, hopeless journey into night.
Mann, Bruce. “O’Neill’s ‘Presence’ in Long Day’s Journey into Night.” Drama Criticism. Vol. 20. Detroit: Gale, 2003. Literature Resource Center. Gale. Lee County Library System. 7 Sept. 2008
In the midst of a chaotic life, an interesting young girl, passionate and creative, found peace when she picked me up and looked through my lens. Something just clicked, resting there in her hands, eyes squinted and pressed up to the viewfinder. In that moment, she and I both found something we had been searching for: solace. From that point on everything was history. I evolved with technology, and she grew up along side of me. I witnessed her past and will accompany her into the future. I am Hillary Gunder’s camera, her third eye.
I was there from day one, making memories, recording events of her life. The viewfinder allowed her to see things first in vivacious color, then in black and white. I watched as she began taking events from her life, faith, and family, attempting to divide them along two distinct lines, stumbling through the cloudy gray areas before realizing that life isn’t so easily categorized by right and wrong. She searched for stability whenever she looked through that viewfinder, working in the darkroom during whatever free time she could gather, the only place she was ever free to figure things out. This girl found a shred of individuality amidst the conformity of a homogeneous private school population. She began developing a unique vision of her own.
Dedicated, hardworking, and involved, this aspiring artist often unwillingly sets me aside to devote attention to other commitments. But she always comes back to me, my strap around her neck, lens cap in her back pocket, toting me along wherever she goes. She sees the world through one giant viewfinder, the shutter opening and closing as she blinks to take it all in. She finds herself analyzing angles, light, focal points and depth of field. Her eye is drawn toward intricate details, specific parts rather than the whole. Quirky little things- a clothesline, a doorknob- stop her in her path as the rest of the world carries on, unaware of this magical find. Her stacks of photographs might appear a conglomeration of random objects, yet in every one she can pinpoint something that caused her to pull me to her face and shoot the photo. Her vision, this need to highlight things that often go overlooked, will carry this girl far into her future. She dreams of becoming a photojournalist, a freelance photographer, anything that will allow her to see and change the world. She wants to record for eternity the people, places, events that go unnoticed. Maybe one day her work will cause people to see things as she sees them, for how they really are.
For now, I’ll be content accompanying her through the remainder of high school, to Savannah College of Art and Design, into the professional world. She’ll flutter from place to place with freedom and artistic license. She’ll enjoy herself, loving every minute of every day. We’re quite an unassuming duo, a young, energetic artist and her beloved camera. But together we’ll change the world.
