With a debut album on the horizon, Andrew McMahon expected big things in 2005. Leukemia wasn’t one of them. The punk-rock party boy lead singer of Jack’s Mannequin and the now disbanded Something Corporate thought he was in control, invincible. At the ripe age of 22 he was living the rockstar dream, signing record deals, partying, performing in front of thousands of screaming fans. But in May 2005, just 3 months before the scheduled release of Everything In Transit, Andrew McMahon found himself repeatedly forced to cancel sold out shows due to voice problems and physical strain. Hospitalized and scheduled for blood work, McMahon awaited the results of a bone marrow biopsy before being dealt an official diagnosis- Acute Lymphatic Leukemia. McMahon described the diagnosis as marking “a substantial shift in the course of my life” and one that would forever influence the music he was to write.
In the months that followed the unsettling diagnosis, Andrew walked the line between life and death, sprawled across the hospital bed, wires in his arm hooking him to numerous machine. During his first round of chemotherapy he had an extremely close brush with death, as a persistent cough turned into a full-blown case of pneumonia that took a significant toll on his already compromised immune system. For three days McMahon battled a fever so intense his body was packed in ice to try to keep his temperature below 104ยบ. But the natural born fighter soon recovered against all odd, and was, for once, met with a sliver of positive news- the doctors had found a perfect match for a much needed bone marrow transplant in his sister Katie. The transplant set his odds of survival just over 50%, slightly higher than his chances of beating the cancer with chemotherapy. Yet the journey to the transplant would be a difficult one. Preparation for the operating consisted of a combination of radiation and chemo treatments much more intense than the first round. Sores in his mouth that ran all the way down his esophagus prevented him from eating. Shingles on his stomach and back attacked his nervous system. His fingernails cracked and split down the middle and his feet swelled. But as the date of the transplant neared- August 23, the exact date of the release of Jack’s Mannequin’s debut album Everything in Transit- his spirits were high despite poor physical conditions. The stem cells from his sister were to be his cure. On August 23, he wrote in a blog entitled “And it all collides on one fateful Tuesday,”
“On this strange day in August, the most perfectly bizarre coincidence of my life will take place. The culmination of years of work and inspiration now falls on the same day that I will be transfused with stem cells from my sister to fight the monster huddled within my marrow. I can say for the first time that I am not afraid, and while this is a feeling that can undoubtedly change with time, I feel cradled by this universe and the immense love that comes from it. I feel blessed for the music that has filled my life and connected me to so many people on so many levels. I sit her on the eve of this album’s release and the eve of my rebirth into this world and realize that no two events could be more perfectly timed.”
100 short days after the transfusion, McMahon walked out of the hospital a new man and returned, after being absent for more than six months, to the place he called home: the stage. A bald-headed bag of bones, he was weak as could be, but nevertheless, back where he belonged. And the experiences of the months he spent fighting for his life inside that hospital, and the outlook on life he gained there, have forever changed his music. The Glass Passenger, Jack’s Mannequin’s second album, released September 30 of this year, reflects on McMahon’s brush with death, but it is more than “the cancer chronicles.” It is encouraging, it is hopeful, it is the story of one man’s survival. It is freedom from the past, vulnerability, and gratitude. Each and every one of the fourteen tracks on this album was written with a unique and inspirational perspective on life and a thankfulness for each new day that can only come from the threat of having it all taken away. An eight minute track entitled “Caves,” a beautiful conglomeration of soulful piano chords fused with upbeat guitar rifts parallels McMahon’s battle between life and death, his initial desperation but eventual triumphant recovery.
“Caves” begins in a quietly reflective tone, a falsetto voice paired with soft piano melodies. In an interview in which he discussed his new album, McMahon addressed this track, explaining that each of the nine verses in the song describes a different hospital visit. Therefore, the song follows the logical progression of time that elapsed between the initial diagnosis of his disease and his final discharge from the hospital several long months later. The first verse conjures up images of “clicking machines,” and “the quiet of compazine,” a drug prescribed to combat the nausea and vomiting induced by radiation treatments. Throughout the song, the repetition of the line “the walls caved in” describes the despair experienced by the speaker as he feels his hopes and dreams for the future crumbling down around him amidst the claustrophobic and confining walls of a hospital. In the second verse, the lines “my bird dressed in white, and she stings my arm in the night” relate the nurses who frequently inserted IVs, central lines, and drew blood for dozens of tests, to the gentle, peaceful image of a bird singing quietly. As the song continues, the listeners experience a shift from the initial anguish to a slightly more hopeful tone with the lyrics “I lay still, still I’m ready to fight.” In this verse, the poet begins to reveal the positive spirits and encouragement to fight that persisted amidst physically challenging situations. This insight continues with the next line “have my lungs but you can’t take my sight.” The author relies on the literal use of the word “lungs,” referencing the pneumonia that attacked his respiratory system, in juxtaposition with the metaphorical meaning of sight to convey the message that though the cancer could attack his body and leave him for dead, it could never grab hold of his spirit, his hopes, dreams, and visions for the future. The song continues along the timeline of McMahon's battle for his life, coming finally to his cure, his transplant, described as "the marrows colliding in rebirth." The speaker describes this liberating experience as "the walls fell and there I lay saved."
The end of this verse marks not only the end of his battle, but also a departure from the slow, reflective and melodious piano prelude that comprises the first half of the song. Just as it seems the song were to end, the music builds and the song erupts in a fury of guitar chords. The second half of the song assumes a sort of cathartic tone with a purging of emotion on the speaker's part as he reflects on this part of his past. It is at this moment in the song that the listeners truly begin to understand the meaning of "Caves," and that of the entire album: overcoming obstacles. But more than just jumping the hurdles thrown our way, life is about reflecting on the past but realizing that it is just that: the past. In the second half of the song McMahon repeatedly emphasizes his desire to move on from this chapter in his life, and encourages his listeners to do the same. With lines like "think it's time I broke some glass, get this history off my mind," and "like the past never happened, and time did not exist for us at all," Andrew McMahon finishes the story of his battle against leukemia, realizing that it was, in some strange way, a wake up call. It was a departure from the life he was used to living. Forced to fight for his life everyday, McMahon quickly came to realize just how precious this thing called time really is. This insight, this notion of living in the present and seizing each moment, is one that is rarely gained so early on in life. McMahon understands that this unique perspective will forever change the way he writes music. But he also understands the opportunities he has to share this insight with millions of fans and followers who may stumble upon his lyrics in the same state of mind he was just 3 short years ago. It is for these reasons that "The Glass Passenger," and tracks such as "Caves" are more than just a chronicle of the life of a cancer patient. They are encouragements and inspirations to all who listen.
Even for those who pick up a Jack's Mannequin album unaware of the lead singer's battle with leukemia and the affects it had on their music, it is obvious that this piano-rock band from Southern California is a unique blend of pop, soul, indie and alternative rock unlike any other. The band transcends classification into any one genre, mixing sounds reminiscent of Rush, the Beach Boys, Tom Petty, Neil Young, and Fleetwood, all of which were listed as influential in the songwriting career of Andrew McMahon. But McMahon believes in making a name for himself, one that is distinctly and identifiably Jack's Mannequin. One that others turn to for inspiration, the album people put on when they need to be reminded that music will save them when they're not so sure they'll survive.
"The sun rose for all of us today but for me it meant more than most sunrises of my near 24 years. It meant that this year had past and a new one had begun. It meant that the wires were undone and the scars were just scars, and yes, that it's time to move on. In this year I have seen dark places and I have seen some places flooded with light that I never knew existed. I have walked to the door of death and never felt more alive and I have learned something that is inherent whether we choose to live knowing it or not. That we are just pieces of this crazy universe, floating through space like every other piece of this crazy universe. You don't have to push or pull or fight or win, the struggle is illusory. Sometimes or rather, all times, you just have to be."
"Caves" I'm caught Somewhere in between Alive And living a dream. No peace Just clicking machines In the quiet of compazine. The walls caved in on me. And she sings My bird dressed in white. And she stings My arm in the night. I lay still Still I'm ready to fight. Have my lungs But you can't take my sight. The walls caved in Tonight. And out here I watch the sun circle the earth The marrows collide in rebirth In God's glory praise The spirit calls out from the Caves. The walls fell and there I lay Saved. The walls are caving in As far as I can see. The walls are caving in The doors got locked for sure There's no one here but me Beat my body like a rag doll you stuck the needles in my hip Said 'we're not gonna lie Son, you just might die Get you on that morphine drip, drip' The walls are caving in As far as I can see The walls are caving in The doors got locked for sure There's no one here but me I fought a war to walk a gang plank Into a life I left behind Windows leading to the past Think it's time I broke some glass Get this history off my mind And what if we were married forever? Like the past never happened And time did not exist for us at all I still think we'd still be traveling together Through all kinds of weather Everything's a piece of everyone As far as I can see Walls are caving in Doors got locked for sure But I see these doors have keys Walls are caving in As far as I can see The walls are caving in Doors got locked for sure There's no one here but me There's no one here but me No one here but me, yeah. There's no one here but me No one here but me
